Defining Myself

"If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive." - Audre Lorde, poet

Defining myself has taken me a long, long time. I struggled for years with this concept. I always looked to other people to define me. I tried to be all things to all people - an impossible task to say the least.

I've been eaten alive by others in the past, but I have to be honest about this. It wasn't their fault that I was eaten alive. It was of my own doing. I allowed other people to tell me what to do, how to be, and how to act. When I became resentful of others controlling me, I would get very angry and lash out. Then they would be disappointed in me and I would feel like a failure. I didn't see how I could ever get out of this horrible cycle.

There came a time in my life when I finally recognized the error of my ways. I've been blessed with friends who were willing to guide me out of the deep hole I was in. They helped me recognize that I was worthy, that I was a good person, and that I did not have to cater to people in order to be liked. I found out that I deserved respect as much as others deserved respect from me.

I'm so grateful to all of those wonderful people who helped me get to where I am today. This was all orchestrated by my Higher Power - of that I am sure. Thank you God, thank you God, thank you God!!!